Death Can Take us by Surprise

I attended a webinar called “Transitioning to Grace a Yogi’s Approach to Death and Dying” by Nayaswami Nalini. Her webinar inspired me to write this blog in less than an hour after her webinar. 

It was during my Master’s and Seminary Training in April 2018 that my mother started to deteriorate after battling a long life illness, (I was about 3 years old when she became ill). She had been admitted into the hospital because her peg feed was blocked. After having so many tubes inserted into her stomach you could see in her face that she didn’t want any more peg feeds. She just wanted to be left to die naturally. This was one of the hardest decisions I had to voice to my family, but my mother’s voice needed to be heard. 

After deciding to follow my mother’s wishes there was a great sense of relief. Even though this was a tough decision for us all it was what she truly wanted. I was due to get ready for my weekend away to London for my Seminary Training, and my intuition said to me to stay with her on the Friday night before I was set to leave, as it could be the last time, I see her alive. 

I slept on a mattress on the hospital floor and in the middle of the night I had a dream where I saw my mother’s face, she looked so angelic and peaceful.  That was the last time I saw my mother as she transitioned on Sunday 15th April 2018 in the early hours of the morning. I was alone when I received the call in the Air Bnb where I was staying, I wasn’t sure how to feel but I knew in a few hours I would be with people who care about me and who I would be training with. It was during when we were all singing the Ho'oponopono Prayer “I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, I thank you, that I shared that my mother had died. 

After I shared, I knew this is where my mother wanted me to be when she transitioned, I could have left my Seminary Training early to be with my family, but I never, in her honour I stayed to the end. On my way back home, my auntie picked me up from the train station, to greet me and make sure I got home safe. Two weeks after my mother died, the very same auntie was faced with cancer. It was difficult for her as she never had any children, her mother had just lost her daughter and was just about to face losing another daughter. She never really had anyone to confide in. It was difficult to see my auntie who was so fit and healthy and within about 6 weeks deteriorate so rapidly because of cancer. 

Instead of being her niece I became her bedside Minister and respected all her wishes in confidence, which was a difficult experience to go through. She died from cancer on the 11th June 2018 the day after my youngest son’s birthday. I felt like her deciding to start her Transitioning into Grace on his birthday was her way of thanking me so that I would never forget her. 

Death can take us by surprise and it’s something that I am still learning about in many different faith traditions. Learning to accept death can be difficult but sharing with someone who you trust can make such a huge difference in your life, like it has been for me.  I hope this blog has inspired you and reached your heart in so many ways. 

Blessings 

Rev Dinah Pemberton