My Journey With Writing

I thought I would write a blog to inspire people who may be struggling in school or with their academic writing. As I never started school until I was 7 years old and when I started, I was put into Nursery and then a few weeks later. The teachers moved me and advanced me to two classes up.

By my surprise, I noticed a difference in the way that the teachers taught which was a lot more advanced than in the nursery. Should I have stayed in the nursery or should I have received extra support? A debate for another time, I guess. 

All I can say is that I did struggle and that I would always wish to be like the noticeable cleverest in the class. When there was an opportunity I would truant and walk around parks. But regardless I would try my best to stay focused in my classes. I even learned how to play the violin, which I enjoyed. Where I displayed my violin skills at the Northern Royal College of Music here in Manchester. Where I felt a great sense of achievement because my nana and sister came to watch me. But deep inside of me, school was not a place I enjoyed, because I got bullied. 

Transitioning into High School again I enjoyed music lessons, art, science and maths, but to be honest I would prefer to truant from school with my friends than attend class. I would always think I was dumb or stupid, so what is the point. At the age of 15, I became pregnant and never did my GCSE.

My enthusiasm for studying came after I had my son, I applied for many different courses, such as social science, and psychology but midway I would give up. It was when I was settled into my new home, and I received a leaflet through the post advertising for a 10 week Level 2 counselling course. I felt a connection with the course, straight away, as I was always the one who always listened to my friend’s problems. I trusted my intuition, applied and got accepted on the course.

I progressed through all the levels of counselling up to Diploma Level 4, and I have to say doing counselling courses was not the easiest courses to do because you have to be prepared mentally and emotionally to do the courses. But for some reason I enjoyed it. Academically I did struggle but I did receive help when I did my Diploma which I appreciated, not at any point through my academic writing was I made to feel I was underachieving or I needed support. 

It was when I decided to pursue a Foundation Degree in Integrated Practice with Young People that I found out I had Dyslexia. Where I received all the support to help me achieve and pass my Foundation Degree and continue on to my Degree in Leadership in Management in Children Services. 

Attending a different university for my MSc in Spirituality, Consciousness & Transpersonal Psychology. I never received the same support I received for my Degree. Experiencing this difference and becoming more aware spiritually of my writing and academic style of writing there was always an internal conflict. The feelings of feeling dumb would appear, or I can’t do it, because my style of writing never measured to the academic way of writing. Learning to accept this played a huge part in trying to develop an authentic style of writing and being. Sometimes it was difficult to express what it was I wanted to communicate, or even remember without giving myself a hard time.

But choosing to be authentic in my writing than trying to be the professor in one of the major articles was never really going to be me. Sometimes when I failed my assignments, I would not look at my feedback for weeks and wanted to give up, but I never I kept on going.

I have nothing against academic style of writing it just takes time to learn it, and English was not my favourite subject. However, I have learned the importance of finding my voice when I write and allowing it to be heard, which is important for anyone who pursues any academic writing. 

But what is even more important is having teachers who can attune and who are able to notice and work with people in an unconditional way.  Who has the skills to identify the extra help and time that is maybe needed without making it an issue or a diagnosis.  Instead of seeing the child as misbehaving or carless or viewing the adult as not putting enough time or care into their work. Instead, teachers need to ask themselves deeply and attune with the soul nature of the person and ask what is it that they truly need as whole human being, instead of focusing on the limitations and paying a blind eye to other underlying issues that may have happened or may be happening.

I never knew that Dyslexia came under as a disability, when I found out it was, the first thing I thought was am not disabled. There are people out there who have a disability that we can physically see. I guess the reason why I view it this way is because witnessing my mother having an illness and watching how that had an effect on her and she was also labelled disabled. I just thought me having Dyslexia could never compare to that as a disability. With my MSc, I was more determined to work with spirit, and God with my assignments more than ever.

I guess each teacher is different, and they are not paid to look deeper into a person or a child’s whole being. I think it should be made the law for every teacher in the whole wide world to have a counselling qualification or spiritual counselling. And I also think this counts for people who work with people on behalf of the government. We have an equal rights policy, but it is not really adhered to, it is just there for show.

Even as I write this, I am aware that I want this blog to be perfect and there is nothing wrong with that, but sometimes things are not meant to be perfect and accepting that is difficult too. The thoughts that are running through my head are, why do I really keep on writing words twice? Why do I really keep on missing words out? Somethings don’t make sense, why is this? I want to enter into a poetic flow. Am I speaking from the first person, should I be speaking from the third person, and in the end does it really matter, because who I am really conveying this information to? Myself, my readers, God or I am angry with the system for failing me and my family? Only God will know I guess.  

Most assignments or dissertations get passed on to be marked, then binned or published if it got a high scholarly grade or distinction. I may not have got a distinction with my assignments and I am not judging anyone who does as I am sure it was a journey well deserved. But there are adults, young people and children struggling out there because of the demands and the expectations of the education system. 

I have decided to add a page called My Journey With Writing that displays some of my essay writing to show you my journey through my academic style of writing and for you to also read Click Here.

Throughout the Reclaiming Your Virginity website I  try to be myself but sometimes you can see the difference in the way that I write and put things across. To be honest I prefer to write poetically because it takes me away from the ego and beyond myself. Where I can trust my intuition and just be and it does not have to make sense, and I don’t need anyone’s approval or a grading for it to pass.

I have accomplished a lot through my writing journey, since being a child where I have even self-published three books Little Dinah & The Powerful Ameythst, Cultivating Inner Peace and Reclaiming Your Virginty Intuitive Art and Poems. Two of them which were on Amazon, but I took them of to publish them on my own platform. Which you can read in the Divine Boutique for free, Click Here. I have learnt that when I am in tune with a higher consciousness or with God, inspiration just flows naturally for me.

I will also share with you that that ever since I started reading Paramhansa Yogananda's poems and prayers, from Whispers From Eternity.  I have surprised myself and have been able to learn one of his prayers and one of his poems of by heart. Which I am really proud of myself because remembering to recite a poem or any type of reading without reading it from a book or paper was extremely difficult for me, and brought up a lot of anxiety. But there was something about Paranhansa Yogananda’s words that were soothing, calming, and reassuring. As I felt guided to connect with him and trust in him and all of a sudden I had know difficulties in remembering his words. I just wanted to remember more and more, his words were like medicine and healing to me, I fell in love with his words and learned his poem within three days. 

I have included my school report from 1994 that I also wanted to share with you all. What I found funny about reading my report is that the feedback I received from my previous assignments, was more or less the same which was interesting. Princess Junior School know longer exists as it was set on fire during my time there, where we had to move to another building, which also had an impact on me not wanting be at school. During my time in Princess Junior School, my home was also set on fire. I must say with all my experiences with life and with schools. I give thanks I am starting to find my voice to share.

I hope this blog has inspired you to never give up on your studies or dreams due to their being less support in your life or the negative beliefs that we hold. There is always someone out there who may not know you, including myself, who is rooting for you, to do your best and to be successful in everything that you do. Challenges will come our way, we may even be shown why we struggle academically, in school or in life through dreams or from the depths of our unconsciousness, or perhaps we may have a divine memory. But never give up, keep on trying and you will eventually succeed. 

Blessings & Love

Rev Dinah Rachel Pemberton