Chapter 7: Vairagi - Releasing The Grip Of The Ego
Vairagi transformed he death, as she had transformed her life, through attunement to Swami Kriyananda and to the masters of Self-realization. She seemed to know instinctively that this attunement was her own unique path to salvation. Once she set foot solidly on that path, she never became distracted from the goal or lost her focus. She always had a strong sense of her priorities. From the outside Vairagi appeared to be a simple soul. She loved God. She loved Master (Yogananda) and Swamiji. For most of her life she lived as a renunciate: a nun, quietly serving Master’s mission through Ananda. These were the bare facts not remarkable in the eyes of the world, yet from the soul’s perspective, each one a shining gem.
~ Nayaswami Nalani
Highlights of My Friendship with Vairagi
Why was I so moved by Vairagi? Perhaps because we had so much in common. We had similar challenges struggles for self- confidence and inner security, battles against hurt feelings. Like Vairagi, I had had cancer too. Also, I had watched my younger sister die of that disease, and could readily identify with Vairagi’s healing journey. As her condition worsened, the thought would sometimes come, “That could be me!” We shared positive aspirations as well, such as an intense loyalty to our spiritual path and a deep desire to serve. We admired these qualities in each other, and sought each other’s counsel. It was the differences between us that were to become my teachers. For instance, she had the wisdom to accept what came to her as coming from God, and the trust to know that it was intended for her highest good. Since I struggle to “accept what is,” her faith was and is a beacon of light for me. Also, Vairagi (whose name means “non-attachment” or “dispassion”) had chosen to be a renunciate in the formal sense of the word. Many years ago a girlfriend (I wasn’t the one, but easily could have been) confided in her that she wished to find a special someone and form a relationship. Vairagi’s cryptic reply was, “Why do you need marriage when you have five gurus!” It’s not that she was never tempted to leave her single state. She was, but as soon as she realized that doing so would not be God’s will, she was able to let go of those desires. For her, the spiritual path was all-sufficient and she was able to find solace within, in her meditations. I found her independence quite inspiring.
Vairagi’s “Pilgrimage” to India
by Nalini Graeber
In retrospect, Vairagi’s visit to Swami Kriyananda in India seems even more remarkable than it did at the time. Many of us collapse into bed at the slightest cold or indisposition, but here was Vairagi, terminally ill, undergoing what would be a very rigorous trip, even for a healthy person.
For months she had been struggling with low energy and digestive problems, but that didn’t hold her back. As soon as she heard that the doctors could do no more for her, she set her sights on going to India, completely open to the possibility that she might die there.
That she succeeded is a testimony to the strength of her determination, and an example of the universal principle that when we fix our minds on something, the universe cooperates in helping us to achieve our goal.
I suspect that the desire to see Kriyananda had been in her mind all along, but that she had been waiting until she felt better. Now the hope of recovery was ripped away from her. As she grew steadily weaker, there was no time to lose.
A little over two weeks later (the minimum time required for reservations, visas, etc.) she was on a plane to London, and then from there to New Delhi, with Kent White, her travel companion. Despite his busy work schedule, Kent felt guided to help his friend, Vairagi, at this crucial time. Without his much needed service and support, this demanding trip would have been impossible.
Swami Kriyananda & Bhima Kent White
Nayaswamis Jyotish & Devi
Mary Kretzmann
During the two weeks before she left, Vairagi had several group healing prayer sessions with friends and also spent time with Jyotish and Devi Novak, Ananda’s spiritual directors, Mary Kretzmann, who heads the Healing Prayer Ministry at the Village, and other Ananda ministers. We all prayed that she would have the strength and energy to make this important journey.
On a spiritual level, the trip to India exceeded Vairagi’s expectations. Kriyananda saw Vairagi daily and blessed her many times. He urged her to dwell, not on death, but on the love and beauty of God.
