My Journey On Abstaining From Sex
I have been abstaining from sex now for 3 years which I have chosen to commit to under know particular religion apart from trusting my intuition. Sometimes I wonder if I am on the path to becoming a nun, however I guess that is something that will always be between me and God.
Abstaining from sex is not a new practice for me as it is something I have practiced for many years, throughout my life and spiritual path. It is always something me and my sister would practice together for fun listening to our intuition. Our inspiration came from Osho’s book Sex Matters: From Sex To Superconsciousness. After reading the book, I become focused on intuitively becoming committed to dedicating time to abstain from sex. It was during my ministry training that I learned abstaining from sex can be practised for several reasons, health, religious practices, psychological, a way of life, and spirituality.
For instance:
Hinduism - Brahmacharya, focuses on ways we can harness the energy of body and mind towards the goal of Spiritual-Realization, God-Realization or Self-Realization.
Christianity - focuses on the values and the practice of abstaining from sex until one is married.
Buddhism - most Buddhist monastics faith paths require a vow of celibacy and believe that attachment leads to suffering, in this case sex is the strongest attachment.
New Age – In today’s modern world (2022) abstaining from sex can be used as a way of life, for health reasons which may result in being embarrassed to have sex, to avoid pregnancy, to avoid (STDs) sexually transmitted diseases. Some woman and men may be afraid to have to sex because of their past lived experiences, traumatic experiences, such as (CSA) childhood sexual abuse or sexual abuse. Where in their adulthood they became aware that they suppressed their sexual energy. And may find comfort in a creative healing approaches such as dance, yoga, meditation, creativity, a counsellor, a therapist or turn to God as a way to release and feel safe in their bodies again.
Abstaining from sex for me has become a spiritual discipline and also waiting for God to bring the right partner into my life. When I began my path as healer, I felt the need not to have sex for long periods of time, and I use to wonder if there was something wrong with me. And more so because I came across an article at the time that stated that if you are not having sex it means that you are depressed or have a mental health issue. At the time I was stressed, but I was not going to go out into the world to find a partner to have sex with to make everything better for me. I always believed that God would bring the right partner to me.
And even in the failed relationships that I have had, God has shown me the gifts and the lessons from them in order to move forward. However, I became to realise that it was the little girl inside me that was calling me and showing me that the adult Dinah needed healing. As I embarked on my healing journey life started to unravel and show me things in my life that I had know choice but to pay attention too. I had an ovarian cyst and was always prone to having cysts in the vaginal area. I realised that my body was speaking to me, I stopped eating dairy products, and was prone to fasting on juices to help, I would read books by Queen Afua Sacred Woman and Overcoming an Angry Vagina: Journey to womb wellness. Which helped and I am know longer prone to having cysts any more.
It was during my ministry training and MSc it became apparent that my focus was to heal my supressed sexual energy that I had secretly been ashamed of for many years and reasons.
And the only way I could do that was through healing, with God, abstaining from sex, alcohol, family, friends, simple way of living, and some worldly things to allow myself to listen to my intuition and what God is guiding me to do.
With all this said, I realised that my journey was to reconnect back to allowing myself to feel that vital force energy and soften more into a feminine flow of life, that brings ease and relaxation, instead of hard structures that I built within myself as a way of surviving. I know that there is many books and articles out there that I can read and that I have on my bookshelf. But trusting my intuition and reframing from the intellect as best I can and allowing God to show me the way is very important for me, even though it is not an easy path to follow.
To heal my suppressed sexual energy, I was guided to express myself through meditation, creativity and yoga. I have been practicing yoga for over a year. My style of yoga is yin, restorative a gentle soft approach, which is appropriate for all levels. Restorative Yoga is practiced at a slow pace, focusing on long holds, stillness, and deep breathing. What appealed to me about restorative yoga is the stillness and the longer holds and being able to take my time to really feel into the sexual energy that arises through me, without judgment, with unconditional love, reverence, self-acceptance, to restore my being, and I am aware how the energy has an positive effect in my home. Most of the restorative poses are practiced with props, however I don’t use props for now.
I have to admit that I have always been a Qi-Gong lover, for two reasons in Qi-Gong I never had to show my feet, and the second was the sessions were non-verbal, we just followed instead of being instructed, which really appealed to me.
The benefits of restorative yoga are similar to many of the benefits to other forms of yoga.
Relaxes your mind, body and soul
Soothes the nervous system
Enhances your mood
Reduces Chronic Pain
Improves Sleep
Improves Well-being
Gentle on your body
Safe to perform during pregnancy
I was gutted when I never raised the funds to become an Ananda Yoga Teacher. Which I haven’t given up on, I am surrendering and learning to accept what is and that it will happen in God’s time. In the meantime, I thought I would share some of my personal journey with everyone and how I use and see Ananda Yoga Postures as a body prayer asking God to be with me and the little girl inside me to ground and affirm together inside, that it is safe to feel the natural creative flow, the sexual energy force that remains within us. And in this together we also dedicate a posture to pray for someone.
The postures that I work with are all based on the floor. They are simple effective and last longing, the message I received is not to underestimate the power of simplicity, take your time in the pose, relax and enjoy. Every Ananda Yoga posture has an affirmation and has inspired me to find my own affirmations to silently affirm with every prayer pose as my sacred offering before God. The affirmations I have chosen are all by Paramhansa Yogananda.
Below are the Ananda Yoga Postures that I have been working with which includes a link for you to watch and the affirmation that came to me.
1. Hero Pose (Firm Pose) Vajrasana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pKckKbR5iM
Stillness is the altar of spirit
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
2. Child Pose (Balasana)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ako0VoDJdk
Every morning I offer my body, my mind and any ability that I posses, to be used by Thee, O infinite creator, in whatever way Thou dost choose to express Thyself through me. I know that all work is Thy work, and that no task is too difficult or too menial when offered to Thee in loving service.
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
3. Bound Angle Pose or Butterfly (Baddha Konasana)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA_DjtLrkrQ
Retire to the center of your being, which is calmness.
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
4. Seated position with intuitive stretches
Before embarking on important undertakings sit quietly calm your senses and thoughts and meditate deeply. You will then be guided by the great creative power of Spirit.
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
5. Supine Bound Angle
(Just to note that the video link is the same as butterfly/ bound angle pose. When you click the link and forwarded it to 3.30 you see the full demonstration of the pose).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA_DjtLrkrQ
I am thine be thou mine
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
6. Savasana (Corpse Pose)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8QxcH3t15k
Bathe your mind and body in peace
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
I wanted to show you further insight to how I use the Yoga postures and the affirmations also as a way of helping me remember the importance of staying inward. For instance, Hero Pose reminds me to affirm to the inner child first that she is loved, brave, courageous, victorious and I want her to feel and learn to know that she is a hero. “Stillness is the altar of spirit” this affirmation reminds me that my altar remains within me. I have a very simple altar and sometimes I am so envious of the beautiful altars I see that others create. And as I have not been to visit any of the Ananda centres or village yet, so that I can purchase the items I need to create the perfect altar to satisfy my needs and also ego. Deep down in my being I know it means way more than that, Jesus never needed an altar or a church to minister he made use of what he had. When I was ordained as a minister I never started of in a church, I have had opportunities to become a minister in churches, gatherings, and community settings. However my hearts calling and intuition was to start and create a unique ministry at home with my children and online. And with the pandemic, this is the path that I have continued to follow through.
I feel like Paramhansa Yogananda is affirming to me simply, that stillness is my altar it is my direct connection to the truth and when I turn inwardly and become still I will find the real altar, anything on the outside will only take me away from that truth. Altars only reminds us to remember our devotion, worship and offering ourselves in our own unique sacred way in union “Yoga” to the one who created such a wonderful creation, (stillness deep in the essence of our spine, which takes us beautifully into the next pose child pose) as I am sure Paramhansa Yogananda wouldn’t take any credit for it. And when I pray, I pray for one person for each posture for one month and I will say the person’s name inwardly and trust that the posture and affirmation is exactly what that person needs in their life.
During this 45 minute yoga body prayer video I was also doing a prayer fast, for seven days that began on Saturday 29/1/22. Fasting is something that I do on a monthly basis whether it is for once a week or once a month. I have been fasting now for over 18 years and the longest I have ever fasted is for 21 days on juices for my health, that I mentioned above. I have fasted also in accordance with many faith paths such as Hinduism, Christianity and Muslim (Ramadan). I hope that through these videos, the blogs and the Reclaiming Your Virginity website that you have gotten to know me more and the unique individual person that I have become through building a relationship with God.
Also, I would like to add that this is the first time I have made a yoga video I am shocked that I look so confident as I was feeling vulnerable inside. Further the poses I work with are specifically used for the Spiritual Healing Ceremony too. If you would like to ask a question, send me a message, if you would like me to pray for you or maybe you would like to pray with me in this way, contact me at reclaimingyourvirginity@gmail.com.
I have also added a 40 minute silent healing meditation, please don’t be alarmed by the length of time. But instead relax, unwind, and allow your body to be gently guided by the music and together we will go straight into our silent healing meditation together.
I thought I would close with a saying from Paramhansa Yoganada Guru Sri Yukteswar that came to me during writing this blog and the daily inspiration for today by Nayaswamis Jyotish and Devi.
SUTRAS 7, 8: “Moral courage (Virya) arises from Sraddha, directing one’s love toward the guru, and from affectionately following his instructions.
Those who remove our troubles, dispel our doubts, and bestow peace are true teachers. They perform Godlike work. Their opposites (those who increase our doubts and difficulties) are harmful to us and should be avoided like poison.”
Day 9 The Secret to living fearlessly is Acceptance of what is
“Don’t resist or run away from change, or pray that circumstances be different. Instead try to embrace the only change that is lasting: personal transformation”.
It has been over a year since I have been with Ananda and the transformations that I have experienced and witnessed with my children have been phenomenal and I will always be forever grateful.
Blessings & Love
Rev Dinah Pemberton
