Chapter 5: What Is True Healing? Danny and Tim
Danny and Tim Kretzmann
Brothers in Spirit
Danny, Tim’s younger brother, came to live with the Kretzmanns in 1981 after he had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease. The disease had first manifested as a tiny lump behind his left ear; by the time he arrived the lump was about the size of a small lemon, though mostly hidden by his thick, curly hair. He was twenty-seven years old. On August 6, 2012, Danny’s older brother Tim passed away at the age of sixty-one, also from cancer.
Later, after his death, Tim and Mary came upon what Danny had written in his journal about that blessed night at the healing session. The vision took place about five weeks beforeDanny’s passing:
Tonight, at Keith’s place, I had a vision that brought me pure ecstasy. We had just finished going back into the thirteenth or fourteenth century to clean up some karma. Apparently, I had become rich through the selling of slaves. I received quite a release from the forgiveness of all those people. That, in itself, was beautiful. Then, as we were coming out of our session, Keith was told that Jesus was going to show me something that is not shown to most people. I let Him guide me, and we went to a place that was pure white light. There was a lake with gentle waves lapping up on the shore; the pebbles were like splendid diamonds.
I looked around but couldn’t make out any more details. As we went toward the lake where he was to baptize me, it was all I could do to keep from crying. I experienced pure ecstasy for how long I don’t know maybe a minute or more. After the baptism, I knelt at His feet, touching them with my hands. I think I asked Him for forgiveness. I know that I thanked Him and told Him that from now on, I would do His will alone.
I asked Him to guide me and possess my spirit. For a while I just bathed in the love and the warmth. As we started to come back, I asked if I could have the blessing of seeing some other saints as well. He said that I would have to wait to have that experience, but that any time I needed Him, He would be there.
Lessons in Learning to Love Heroically
Tim’s eldest son tells a story that is especially touching and insightful, for it offers a glimpse into how Tim was able to rise above physical suffering and identify with his spirit. Six months before the end, while Tim was still determined to overcome the cancer, his son Peter Sanjaya came to visit. It happened to be the son’s birthday.
Peter decided to do some chants with his dad as a way of taking his mind off the pain and creating a devotional atmosphere. He played one of their favorites, which begins with the words, “How shall I love Thee, Lord my God? With every breath I breathe!” The chant had a profound effect on them both. As Peter wrote later, “This chant had always been one of my favorites for its powerful call to love God in every moment.
When thinking of it from my dad’s perspective, though, I saw it in a new light. My dad was in intense pain and could hardly move. The doctors didn’t seem to be able to do anything to help. He was basically confined to lying on the couch. Everything outward had been taken away. His body wasn’t working as it should and was causing him great pain. What do you do when there’s nothing left?
Where do you turn? “For my dad the answer was clear in the words of that chant. He would offer every breath with love to God. I could scarcely continue singing as I thought of Dad lying there in pain, offering even his breath up in service to God. He wouldn’t delay his lifelong search for God because of his body.
His search would simply have to change form. Instead of meditating and joyfully serving, he would simply offer every breath with devotion to God. Every breath became a prayer. Dad sang on, louder still, ‘With every breath I breathe.’ “The chant ended and we sat in silence for some time. I was quietly trying to absorb the example I was being shown.
The Day of Transition
A picture of Nayaswami Seva who left her body on Sunday, November 14, 2021 at the age of 86.
Seva came into the living room where my son David and I were chanting around Tim. He was fully awake. His eyes had been for hours steadfastly uplifted at the spiritual eye. He was absorbed I could see that, yet my voice was choking as I sang, and my heart was breaking, knowing the time was near. Seva held me, and we sang together until my voice was strong again. Then she said, quietly, “He is beautiful! He is looking straight at God!”
Later, I felt my own chakras rumble with power, and I knew much was happening inside him. Finally, I cleared the room. Only our elder son, Peter, and I were with him. In the final moments Peter chanted “AUM Guru” in his right ear, while Swamiji’s AUM recording played in the background.
Such holy austerity it is to watch your beloved take his final breaths, fully conscious,
while being guided into God’s arms by your son. . . .
Life After the Transition
The loss of a loved one whether that of a parent, child, friend, or spouse—is one of the most profound challenges anyone can face. We each must find our own way of coping.
What follows is a moving poem written by David Kretzmann to his father, Tim Kretzmann, titled,
“Be Still, My Child.”
“Oh, how I miss you. I wake but the dream is not lifted This weight cannot be shifted, My slumber haunts me With images that could have been, But not in this new reality. . . .
“I weep for a future without you there, And when I reach all despair, In the darkened moments When sorrow abounds And I tremble with regret, I listen for your voice. . . .
“Be still, my child. Weep not for my body. Love is the timeless vessel with which we are connected. Fear not the future, for I am with you. Cry not for my presence, for I am here. Cling not to doubt, for I have traveled the Path you tread.
Inside, you will find what you seek: Adventurous joy and joyous adventure. Drift not to angst, you will see me again. Eternity’s pole will guide you. Our true home lies not in this world. Travel forward, my child. Worry not for the trials ahead, For you are a part of me, And I of you. Look inside and you will see A glimmer of the world that is to be. . . .
“This is life’s journey Ever patient, ever courageous, ever joyful. Time is but a mirage of separation. I cannot forget you, Just as you cannot forget me, Yet your journey here remains.
Learn that which you need to learn, And when you are ready, When your time is near, Let there be no fear.
This dream will be lifted. With open arms, I will be waiting To say ‘Well done, my son.
You are home now. Come! Let me show you
Together, we will be free.
For my Heavenly Father
By David Timothy Kretzmann
It’s all right in front me
But why am I unable to see
Before it’s too late for me to tell you
That all of my respect is due
My appreciation is all I have to give
For helping me learn how to live
But now these are dreams
A third of your life is all it seems
Before you’re taken from this world for another
Leaving us to take care of our mother
What am I supposed to do?
Without you here there’s everything I cannot ask you
Did it have to be this way?
With this loss comes my way
And I cannot let you be but a distant memory
Though your transformation set me free
How can I honor you?
What on earth can I do?
How can I be me without you?
…
I have to trust this feeling
That when I move on
I will be there kneeling
With you at the pearly gates
Reminiscing about our journeys
Free of the shackles and weights
The confirmation of our teachings
The paths that we crossed
Even the one that led to our loss
I knew it was for something
I never could grasp it
Without you nothing fit
What could I do but have faith
That death’s ending is life’s beginning
With the Path we are striving
If only to witness your smile one more time
To hug you and tell you I love you
That everything I did I did for you
You were my motivation
My inspiration in its purest form
How all I wanted was you to be physically there
Without you it felt like I was going nowhere
But how it was all worth it
To be here and sit with you for a moment
…
Did I do well?
Growing out of my shell
Your example was my guide
Your memory comforted the ride
Away went my fear
When I felt you near
Dissolved my fear of death
For with my last breath
I will see you again with full vision
Be at peace with the Higher decision
Embrace the flash before my eyes
Celebrate the joy in our lives
And provide comfort for those approaching
With their lessons still awaiting
With them I will be
As you were with me
From a place unknown
Which I have only now been fully shown
Sitting with my beloved father
For you are my father
My Heavenly Father
